After getting the results, i totaly wipe out the moment i reached home.
Im happy physically in school but drenching in the inside.
I got 23 and 29.
What was that suppose to mean?
Yes, i haven't put my heart and soul in it.
I played too much and did things that i wasn't suppose to do.

It a joyous thing seeing ur other friends getting 19 and less.
How i wished they'll get tht in times to come.

Talk to my fam about all the stuff and they encourage me to do my best after these.
I'd promised my self to do it.

i think about these to much and unexpectedly, my backbone injuries comes back.
My head give me more probs and yesterday was my worst shocking day i ever had.
I help my mum and i felt that something hits me on my head.
But i kept quiet.
nOt wanting to tell my mum or anybody else.
Soon after, my arm was cram.
That my back was 'jam'.
I was stationary at the side of the door for about an hour or so.
Mum and the rest thought i was joking, because i was still able to smile when i was in pain.
Because i didn't want them to think too much.
When the laughter turn to tears, i breakdown.

I can't move a single of my body parts.
Tears of heaven rolled down my eyes.
Sis was panicked and mum keep nagging.

My ribcage and 'rusuk' was motionless.
I supported my back at the wall leaning parallelly .

dad came hoome, and brought me to the 'dono what it called lah.'

she then said that, my previous injuries in the back bone, had spreaded to the rest of my body part.
I was 'oh god!' but im too weak to do anything.
Stroke may occured anytime.
When my blood pressure is too low.
Then got to know that there's blood injury in my bone.
I wept out bacause i couldn't control any longer.

told my dad and sis not to tell mum out it.
Hope dad keep it silence.

These happened when the day before, i had a bad dream.

As it was my first time, kissing my sis n mum cheeks before i went to bed.
They were like..yes azura. what happened..?
Then i remember i mentioned, " lass kiss before i go"
sis was like laughing.
Then i said, ''before i go to bed lah''.

The day it self i had that bad dreamt.
I dreamt about hair.

According to beliefs, mum told me that it is something to do with danger or death.
I was silent throughout.
I didn't want to belief what mum said.

I just get a chance to old on to the laptop as the rest of the fam are not at home..
Till here diary...
GoodBye.

Two way in? Appreciated is ONCE

2 way in and two way out?Yes, i agree.Do not always be the one giving in to the other party and out.I know i shuld be balance.Khad, you are right.There's good, there's bad.

''Don't always be the one saying hello to him/her? Don't always be the one starting a conversation?''Yes. at these point of time, i really would say a big YES. Eventhough you CARE.Khad, when you said,"people die. people dont live forever. people die. and leave this world. there are millions of emails and distributions about "appreciating ur loved ones before they go" that kindda thing" It opened my tiny brain. The stories about you saying which ends with; "i regret not saying that i love him/her.. and now she's gone.. so please, remember.. to always appreciate ur loved ones.. before its too late/before they're gone.."" i must say, only the 'US' will feel it. Not Them.Giving in and out is what i need? No, I won't even bother to care about it. You said that all u need is the sense of being appreciated? You had it ONCE.yes! ONCE. It's because he appreciates you and that's y he let u go. You get it?! He like, U-Noe-Who.Don't tell me, he will befriend with you BUT 'like' her behind ur back. Im sure you would me MAD if he did that. That's y, he Let-Go, so,it shows that he's being 'jujur'.
I'd deleted your last memories of him in your phone. Believe me. All the memories, will still 'termateri di kalbu'.It WAS the happy memories that many can't see.You said that it was motivational that keeps you going. It's not over my dear, im telling you these because you just can't runaway from reality. The happy moment will always be there.U can't AND never let go even for a long time ago.You can burn the memories today, but the scars will stay with you forever.'Appreciated' is ONCE with YOU.Bear that in mind.

Better of Our Own.
The best way in Appreciating Your Own Life.
Like You said, LET FATE DECIDE.

I miss the BBQ time.
I missED it.
Not only missing the time, but also MISS the time that we culd actually talked.
Hakim, i didn't know it untill u called me tt late night.
I was with wrap and u were wt ras. Didn't know that u wanted us to 'gabong'
grRRR..
Missed it! really missed it.
Afraid, yeap thats the word. The word that describe everything.

Haiz, nvm, we'll have some other time more.
like 'own outing' u said.haha!..
kk..not gonner think bout it...anymore...
let fate decide...

argh..i hate my self.
yes i hate it.
Studies dropping and i still dare to give a shit on my friendship.
Why do i have to care.

Hafiz called today. Yea, it really lighten some of my load.
All the smses and calls at night had made think what good frens are for.
Laughter and jokes are better.
Compare to you awaits for it, and it awaits for you.
Now at these point of time, i must admit, i hate and not addicted to you.
Im mad, yes im mad. Y?ask yourself.
Hakim , you said it that , 'y shud u even bother if in a friendship,there's no two way in?'. I agree with you buddy.
Thanx lots man, u really proof it rte.
Y is it that you were the one whom i have to give in and make the first move?
y?. im sick and tired to entertain you.
Im serious. Truely, thoroughly serious.
Im better off my own. I swear.

Hafiz, your addiction on the beautiful MARIA had made me addicted too.
Yea, if my msn was named 'ADDICTION' i must say, im addicted to the song.
Should you get addicted.
I don't wanner take a risk of waiting for happiness if it can never happen.

Khad, im happy for you, chap700 is there.
Right there waiting.
Don't lose the chance yea?...
im sure, he's there..

='c

Stay aput and Get control

BBQ

Yesterday was great! haha. We had the Buka Puasa Fest in school.
How i wished it happened again.
Wrappers, Bitches and Rascals were there.Haha...it looks like UNWANTED name. haha!
We were there the SO CALLED 'earliest'to arrive. haha..of cause lah, we did all the marinating and shoppings. Ms waheeda and Mr suhadi was there.! woo hoo.All my fav teachers.

Help in the pit but haha...it doesn't work.Who cares though?
Wrap and Bitches then went to the basket ball court and RELEX.
Chill and suddenly came some Rascals running around.ahha..
They were actually the next aim to be in the pond after those bdae boys got it.
Ravi and Firgem.! ahha!
So kiuTT that ravi got half wet!! haha...Firgem..basah habes!

Rest and lay down while looking up in the sky.
Then after, i came up with these stupid idea of sleeping on top of each other tummy.
ahhahah!!! all of us did and we just can't stop giggling! we felt each tummies vibration!
Hamiz! U fell?!! ahhaha! Couldn't imagine that!.Yea, all the jokes by Rascals and Fantastic 4 made u fell frm the chair.!Nothing else to do then.
so, went home and off we go.

Reached home and MSN.yea i can't live without msn!! ahha..nahnahnah. i can.
Nah ,i'm lying. haiz.Addicted. okk.off i go.

Tak Bisakah - Peter Pan (OST Alexandria)

hatiku bimbang namun tetap pikirkanmu
selalu selalu dalam hatiku
ku melangkah sejauh apapun itu
selalu engkau di dalam hatiku

ku berjalan berjalan memutar waktu
berharap temukan sisa hatimu
mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu
mengerti kau di dalam hatiku

reff: tak bisakah kau menungguku
hingga nanti tetap menunggu
tak bisakah kau menuntunku
menemani jalan hidupku

ku berjalan berjalan memutar waktu
berharap temukan sisa hatimu
mengertilah ku ingin engkau begitu
mengerti kau di dalam hatiku

dara kau menjadi hidupku
kemana kau tahu isi hatiku
tunggu sejenak aku di situ
jalanku jalan menemukanmu

whats with me??!

i don't noe...

thinking about stuff that i shuden be thinking about...